Cancer, Sin

Tonight, Nell has been quite restless again. Ev and I told Dad to go to bed and we would take the whole night. He is so very tired.

At one point this evening, Ev leaned over and told her mom, "You won't be forgotten. I'm going to tell the grand babies what a wonderful lady you are and how much you love Jesus." Nell smiled.

Though she isn't even taking drinks of water now her body continues to produce bile which has no place to go but up. She cries out in pain and because she is no longer strong enough to help, one of us leans her forward while the other holds the bucket. The smell is atrocious. We lay her back and she cries out because her back hurts. She goes back to shallow breaths followed by an occasional deep one.

Oh the devastating effects of cancer. As I sat watching her tonight my mind turned to another cancer... sin. Rom 5:12  When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam's sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned. (NLT)

Nell is in great pain when she is awake. The medicine keeps her asleep most of the time, but without it she became argumentative to the point of being unreasonable. In other words, she did not understand what we were telling her. She couldn't understand why she couldn't get up and walk or why we wouldn't give her food, even though she would throw up water.

Sin does that to us. It dulls our senses. Mat 13:14  This fulfills the prophecy of Isaiah that says, 'When you hear what I say, you will not understand. When you see what I do, you will not comprehend. 

Mat 13:15  For the hearts of these people are hardened, and their ears cannot hear, and they have closed their eyes—so their eyes cannot see, and their ears cannot hear, and their hearts cannot understand, and they cannot turn to Me and let Me heal them.' (NLT)

And so I proclaim to us (that includes me)

Rom 13:11  This is all the more urgent, for you know how late it is; time is running out. Wake up, for our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. 

Rom 13:12  The night is almost gone; the day of salvation will soon be here. So remove your dark deeds like dirty clothes, and put on the shining armor of right living. 

Rom 13:13  Because we belong to the day, we must live decent lives for all to see. Don't participate in the darkness of wild parties and drunkenness, or in sexual promiscuity and immoral living, or in quarreling and jealousy. 

Rom 13:14  Instead, clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ. And don't let yourself think about ways to indulge your evil desires. 

Eph 5:12  It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. 

Eph 5:13  But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, 

Eph 5:14  for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, "Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light." 

Eph 5:15  So be careful how you live. Don't live like fools, but like those who are wise. 

Eph 5:16  Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. 

Eph 5:17  Don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. 

Eph 5:18  Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, 

Eph 5:19  singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. 

Eph 5:20  And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

Eph 5:21  And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 

Mom Steffes has lived a life before God and man that spoke of the saving grace of Jesus Christ. She was a preacher of righteousness to her children , verbally (Just ask Evelyn) and to others visually. And now as she lay dying and mostly unaware, she continues to proclaim His righteousness.

We mustn't end with Adam's sin spreading to all, for the story doesn't end there.

Rom 6:23  For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. Hallelujah!!!

And soon she will gasp one last time and her life here will cease only to begin without pain, vomiting or weariness in the presence of Jesus Christ.

2Co 5:6  So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. 

2Co 5:8  Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. 

Soon, dear sweet Nell, soon.

Breath

And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. (Genesis 2:7 NKJV)

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:21-24 NKJV)

The room is filled with the sound of breathing. Mom takes slow shallow breaths followed by a deep gasp. The pump meant to draw fluid from her stomach hisses randomly. The oxygen generator whooshes and sighs. The pump at the end of the bed changes the pressure in the ballasts of the mattress on regular intervals. Occasionally the furnace kicks on to add the sound of rushing air through the house.

For 47 ½ years they have been married. They dated for three years before that. He sits and holds her hand.

"Stay with me," she whispers.

"I will stay with you and go as far in this as the Father let's me go with you. I'll be here to your last breath," he assures.

I've watched him rub her feet, sing her songs and read the scriptures. He has cleaned up her vomit, bathed her and sat for hours holding her hand. He has caressed her brow, rubbed cramps out of her legs and put lotion on her back. He has cried. He has prayed. Her suffering has caused his prayers to change from cries for healing to cries for a final breath. "Send Your angels. Take her to Your eternal rest." 

I have watched love in action. I have watched the effect of that first breath breathed into Adam, for God is Love. (1John 4:8)

Stumbling Blocks and Blessings

Stumbling Blocks

At Nell's request hospice tried increasing her medications so she would sleep most of the time. It worked for about 12 hours. Now she is awake more than she is asleep and her pain is increasing. She is agitated much of the time and she is hallucinating.

Tonight we dropped one of the medications, increased another and cried more. The crying just happens. The further changes in Medications is in the hopes of reaching the goal of Nell being peaceful.

Blessings

Some of our people have made sure we have food and have had to do very little cooking. Thank you. The food had been delicious... I'm not sure if it's the flavor or the love we are tasting. "Taste and see that the Lord is Good." (Ps 34:8a)

As I shared Nell's condition with the church tonight I saw tears in several eyes. "Weep with those who weep." (Rom 12:15b) Those tears are like hugs even though we are across the room from each other. They show you are listening and hearing our wounded hearts.

Lord willing, a lady will be following the Lord in baptism on this Sunday. Praise God!

Care Takers

We are taking care of my Mom Steffes, Nell in our home. She has terminal stomach cancer and she is in her final days. It is probably the single most difficult thing I have ever had to watch in my life. Though modern medicine keeps her pain at bay, she is unable to eat or drink anything and keep it down. She has had no nourishment for weeks.

People in our church and community have been wonderful. God has given little blessings all along the way. Those are the things that keep us going.

We rejoice in His goodness and in the fact that she will soon be in His presence. She is ready for that to happen and we all wonder what God's plan is in her tarrying here on this earth.

In a moment when she was anxious yesterday her husband came to her side and started encouraging her with scriptures and talk of heaven. After a few minutes of this she looked up at him and said, "You are wearing me out." Being a preacher, he jokingly asked her, "Do you think that's the way the people in the congregation feel when I'm preaching?" She said, "Yes. That is the lesson you were suppose to learn. That's why I'm still here."

That was a moment of great laughter.

I just got called out to help for a few moments. The hospice nurse just okay ed the increase of her medication to every 3 hours. This is going to be harder on Evelyn. She is doing most of the meds herself. This means less sleep for Evelyn. Mom doesn't want anyone else giving her the meds. She is also wanting Dad at her side most of the time now. We are all tired, longing, waiting, wondering...

We sang Isa 40:31 But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.

We hold to the hope of His promises.

A Prayer for Josiah Steven

Our daughter in-law is pregnant... very pregnant. She is due any time now. We have been waiting... somewhat impatiently. Last Thursday the doctor said, "You'll have this baby within the week." Well, in my estimation the doctor's time is up.

Last night Evelyn couldn't sleep and tonight I can't. You'd think we were having the baby. I mean, what is our problem? We know he's a boy and that he will be the smartest and most handsome grandson ever. What is our problem?

I think the anticipation is built into us by our Heavenly Father. Perhaps it is so we will pray more fervently and faithfully.

Dear Heavenly Father, bless Josiah Steven. Call him to Yourself at an early age. Put Your fire in his little heart even now. May his faith in You never fail. May he be full of Your Joy, Peace, Love and Grace. May many come to know You through the life You have blessed him with. In the Name of Jesus of Nazareth I pray, Amen.