Sweet Nell, Sweet Rest

Nell Steffes went home to be with the Lord January 14, 2009 at 6:50pm. Suffering has ended, pain is gone, no more tears. Rest, sweet rest.

We had just finished singing some songs around her bed and she breathed her last on this side of God's Heaven. 

Thank you all for your prayers. We will post the funeral plans sometime to tomorrow.

Cancer, Sin

Tonight, Nell has been quite restless again. Ev and I told Dad to go to bed and we would take the whole night. He is so very tired.

At one point this evening, Ev leaned over and told her mom, "You won't be forgotten. I'm going to tell the grand babies what a wonderful lady you are and how much you love Jesus." Nell smiled.

Though she isn't even taking drinks of water now her body continues to produce bile which has no place to go but up. She cries out in pain and because she is no longer strong enough to help, one of us leans her forward while the other holds the bucket. The smell is atrocious. We lay her back and she cries out because her back hurts. She goes back to shallow breaths followed by an occasional deep one.

Oh the devastating effects of cancer. As I sat watching her tonight my mind turned to another cancer... sin. Rom 5:12  When Adam sinned, sin entered the world. Adam's sin brought death, so death spread to everyone, for everyone sinned. (NLT)

Nell is in great pain when she is awake. The medicine keeps her asleep most of the time, but without it she became argumentative to the point of being unreasonable. In other words, she did not understand what we were telling her. She couldn't understand why she couldn't get up and walk or why we wouldn't give her food, even though she would throw up water.

Sin does that to us. It dulls our senses. Mat 13:14  This fulfills the prophecy of Isaiah that says, 'When you hear what I say, you will not understand. When you see what I do, you will not comprehend. 

Mat 13:15  For the hearts of these people are hardened, and their ears cannot hear, and they have closed their eyes—so their eyes cannot see, and their ears cannot hear, and their hearts cannot understand, and they cannot turn to Me and let Me heal them.' (NLT)

And so I proclaim to us (that includes me)

Rom 13:11  This is all the more urgent, for you know how late it is; time is running out. Wake up, for our salvation is nearer now than when we first believed. 

Rom 13:12  The night is almost gone; the day of salvation will soon be here. So remove your dark deeds like dirty clothes, and put on the shining armor of right living. 

Rom 13:13  Because we belong to the day, we must live decent lives for all to see. Don't participate in the darkness of wild parties and drunkenness, or in sexual promiscuity and immoral living, or in quarreling and jealousy. 

Rom 13:14  Instead, clothe yourself with the presence of the Lord Jesus Christ. And don't let yourself think about ways to indulge your evil desires. 

Eph 5:12  It is shameful even to talk about the things that ungodly people do in secret. 

Eph 5:13  But their evil intentions will be exposed when the light shines on them, 

Eph 5:14  for the light makes everything visible. This is why it is said, "Awake, O sleeper, rise up from the dead, and Christ will give you light." 

Eph 5:15  So be careful how you live. Don't live like fools, but like those who are wise. 

Eph 5:16  Make the most of every opportunity in these evil days. 

Eph 5:17  Don't act thoughtlessly, but understand what the Lord wants you to do. 

Eph 5:18  Don't be drunk with wine, because that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit, 

Eph 5:19  singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs among yourselves, and making music to the Lord in your hearts. 

Eph 5:20  And give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. 

Eph 5:21  And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. 

Mom Steffes has lived a life before God and man that spoke of the saving grace of Jesus Christ. She was a preacher of righteousness to her children , verbally (Just ask Evelyn) and to others visually. And now as she lay dying and mostly unaware, she continues to proclaim His righteousness.

We mustn't end with Adam's sin spreading to all, for the story doesn't end there.

Rom 6:23  For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord. Hallelujah!!!

And soon she will gasp one last time and her life here will cease only to begin without pain, vomiting or weariness in the presence of Jesus Christ.

2Co 5:6  So we are always confident, even though we know that as long as we live in these bodies we are not at home with the Lord. 

2Co 5:8  Yes, we are fully confident, and we would rather be away from these earthly bodies, for then we will be at home with the Lord. 

Soon, dear sweet Nell, soon.

Hope

We have been voluntarily imprisoned in our home by this terrible disease called cancer. Four weeks ago my mom & dad moved in & hospice became a household name as we are caring for my 65 year old mother who is living out her final days with us. Because of the type of cancer she has we have to have eyes on her 24 hrs due to frequent vomiting.
So tonight, while watching her I looked out the window and saw a beautiful snowfall. I seized the moment, let Steve watch mom and ran outside with camera in hand. In the cool of the wintry night I snapped a few shots of our herbal garden under a blanket of fresh fallen snow and I was refreshed. Amidst the dead of winter, I breathed in the promise of the hope of spring as the ground received moisture to grow what was to come.
Oh God, my Father, in this winter of my life, give the promise of things to come, the hope of things that will grow from this dark time.

--Evelyn C. Sherwood

Sunrises, Sunsets

At the time of this entry Nell still holds on to life, barely. Her breathing is extremely shallow. The last few times she communicated anything it was pain and a crying out for her mother. We wait.

The following was written by Evelyn, Nell's wonderful daughter, my marvelous wife on December 28, 2008. Evelyn has been the main caregiver now for these 28 days that Nell has been in our home.

Tonight I watched the sun set. The hues of orange, pink, purple & red were brilliantly splattered across the sky in a breathtaking display.

How interesting that sunrises & sunsets share such brilliant colors, announcing their arrival.

Such is life & death. One is ushered in, another out, yet both are brilliantly controlled by the hand of the master artist - God.

Sometime I fear the dark, but without the dark do we really appreciate the light? In heaven I know we will, but in our feeble earthly frames we must have the struggles to see the blessing of His hand walking us through.

When will the sun set on my mother's earthly life? Only God knows, but with the dark, will come light again... and for that I wait.

Breath

And the LORD God formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being. (Genesis 2:7 NKJV)

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: "This is now bone of my bones And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man." Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. (Genesis 2:21-24 NKJV)

The room is filled with the sound of breathing. Mom takes slow shallow breaths followed by a deep gasp. The pump meant to draw fluid from her stomach hisses randomly. The oxygen generator whooshes and sighs. The pump at the end of the bed changes the pressure in the ballasts of the mattress on regular intervals. Occasionally the furnace kicks on to add the sound of rushing air through the house.

For 47 ½ years they have been married. They dated for three years before that. He sits and holds her hand.

"Stay with me," she whispers.

"I will stay with you and go as far in this as the Father let's me go with you. I'll be here to your last breath," he assures.

I've watched him rub her feet, sing her songs and read the scriptures. He has cleaned up her vomit, bathed her and sat for hours holding her hand. He has caressed her brow, rubbed cramps out of her legs and put lotion on her back. He has cried. He has prayed. Her suffering has caused his prayers to change from cries for healing to cries for a final breath. "Send Your angels. Take her to Your eternal rest." 

I have watched love in action. I have watched the effect of that first breath breathed into Adam, for God is Love. (1John 4:8)

Resting

It would appear that Nell's medicines are finally reaching the goal. Tonight she is resting much more peacefully than she has been.

Evelyn was able to get out by herself for awhile earlier in the evening. She went to a place of prayer and returned somewhat refreshed.

Dad Steffes experienced Louies Coney Island for the first time yesterday evening. I'm not sure if that was refreshing or just dangerous. Oh, he didn't eat alone. We all three scarfed down hot dogs slathered in mustard, chili, onions and cheese. Yes, we had fries with that. None of us were moving real quick tonight.

All kinds of encouragement has come in from various sources.  Yesterday I received an email from our daughter's mother-in-law. In it she included a couple of quotes:

May today there be peace within.  May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.  May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.  May you be content knowing you are a child of God.  Let his presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love.  It is there for each and every one of us.  (Saint Theresa)

Do not complain about thorns among the roses....Give thanks for roses among the thorns.

We all read this email and we wept a bit. It was just the encouragement we needed at the moment. It made me think of a message I preached not long on Peace. Col 3:15 And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.

Two words, well actually the same word in both verses stands out. "Let." The Greek word in verse 15 means to rule and in verse 16 it is Greek for to inhabit. 

The idea is that God's peace is available to all of His children and that peace will rule on the throne of our lives if we will "let" it. The word of God will inhabit us if we "let" it.

How is this done? How do we lay down all the heavy load of life? How do we stop the financial pressures and the health issues from invading our every waking thought? Go to the Word. Stop. Take a breath, a deep, slow breath. Now remember this. Ps 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! Ps 46:11 The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah 

Now, "let" that thought invade your soul and mind. God is God, not you and certainly not me. Be still and know this truth. That God who is God is with us, that is present in whatever situation you find yourself in. He is there and He will be exalted. He will get glory out of your situation. He is your refuge, that is a place to go and hide and "let" His peace rule on the throne of your heart.

And know this: Ro 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 

Joh 14:27 "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid. 

My Friend, be at peace. Be at rest.

All Scriptures are from the New King James Translation.

Stumbling Blocks and Blessings

Stumbling Blocks

At Nell's request hospice tried increasing her medications so she would sleep most of the time. It worked for about 12 hours. Now she is awake more than she is asleep and her pain is increasing. She is agitated much of the time and she is hallucinating.

Tonight we dropped one of the medications, increased another and cried more. The crying just happens. The further changes in Medications is in the hopes of reaching the goal of Nell being peaceful.

Blessings

Some of our people have made sure we have food and have had to do very little cooking. Thank you. The food had been delicious... I'm not sure if it's the flavor or the love we are tasting. "Taste and see that the Lord is Good." (Ps 34:8a)

As I shared Nell's condition with the church tonight I saw tears in several eyes. "Weep with those who weep." (Rom 12:15b) Those tears are like hugs even though we are across the room from each other. They show you are listening and hearing our wounded hearts.

Lord willing, a lady will be following the Lord in baptism on this Sunday. Praise God!

Final Days

I had the early watch this morning. At six am Nell asked me to rub her back. As I did I felt a small knot on one of her back ribs where she said she felt terrible pain. At eight am the hospice nurse came and I shared my finding with her. She believes the cancer has now spread to Nell's bones and what I was feeling was another tumor.

Nell is requesting we all pray she can go on home to be with her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. She is extremely weak and now when she is awake she is in terrible pain.

Thank you for your prayers.

A Great Joy Along the Way.

In the midst of all we are dealing with there is a ray of sunshine. He is a gift from God and great joy. Josiah, Our grandson seems to carry the gift of healing. We thank God for him and for the joy he brings to us.

His smile is like seeing the sun after a month of cloudy skies. His giggles are gold coins dropping freely all around. Those bright eyes speak of peace, joy and hope, "There is a tomorrow. There is a God and He loves you with all His heart. You will make it through this. Though weeping endures for the night, Joy comes in the morning."

We thank God for this "Little" Great Big Blessing!

Care Takers

We are taking care of my Mom Steffes, Nell in our home. She has terminal stomach cancer and she is in her final days. It is probably the single most difficult thing I have ever had to watch in my life. Though modern medicine keeps her pain at bay, she is unable to eat or drink anything and keep it down. She has had no nourishment for weeks.

People in our church and community have been wonderful. God has given little blessings all along the way. Those are the things that keep us going.

We rejoice in His goodness and in the fact that she will soon be in His presence. She is ready for that to happen and we all wonder what God's plan is in her tarrying here on this earth.

In a moment when she was anxious yesterday her husband came to her side and started encouraging her with scriptures and talk of heaven. After a few minutes of this she looked up at him and said, "You are wearing me out." Being a preacher, he jokingly asked her, "Do you think that's the way the people in the congregation feel when I'm preaching?" She said, "Yes. That is the lesson you were suppose to learn. That's why I'm still here."

That was a moment of great laughter.

I just got called out to help for a few moments. The hospice nurse just okay ed the increase of her medication to every 3 hours. This is going to be harder on Evelyn. She is doing most of the meds herself. This means less sleep for Evelyn. Mom doesn't want anyone else giving her the meds. She is also wanting Dad at her side most of the time now. We are all tired, longing, waiting, wondering...

We sang Isa 40:31 But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.

We hold to the hope of His promises.